A State of Mind
by KagomeGirl92
Summary: Honda remembers his life in ancient Egypt and his hopeless love with Otogi and the state of mind which tore them apart but ultimately brought them back together. HxO


* * *

Hi! While thinking of my story _Dry shouts pierce my broken heart_ and after talking endlessly with my beta-reader LeShea-is-Love, I came up with my first Chaseshipping story plot! This has something to do with _Dry shouts_, but I'll explain everything right here:

Names of past lives I use:

Hondo: Honda Hiroto (Tristan Taylor for you dub-watchers). Name means "War".

Osaze: Otogi Ryuuji (Duke Devlin). Name means "Loved by God".

Mesi: Nosaka Miho, a blue-haired girl from the zero season and the manga who Honda had a crush on, even though in the season zero she herself develops feelings for Bakura Ryou. Name means "Water".

Jono: Jounouchi Katsuya (Joey Wheeler)

Teana: Mazaki Anzu (Téa Gardener)

Heba: Mutou Yuugi (Yugi Moto). Name means "Game" which is Yuugi in Japanese.

Seth: Kaiba Seto

Note that I'm using Japanese name order, where the last name comes before the first name.

Relationships not explained clearly:

Jono and Seth are married, so are Heba and Atemu, as well as Teana and Mana.

Teana and Hondo are cousins.

Thanks to LeShea for betaing! Now, on with the story!

* * *

_**There is a passion in the human heart called love. It flares with a noble flame, and by its light people can venture into the unknown darkness surrounding love and into**__**the darkness of their own hearts.**__**The steps these people take across the heavens of their universe are as uncertain as those steps they take across the rooms of their own life. And yet if they walk with an open mind, those steps will lead those people to the most perfect of all destinations, true love. **_

_**But if they walk in fear and refuse to venture into the horrifying darkness and follow that noble light the comes from their heart, what price do they pay for their denial?**_

-

_There is a strange excitement of springtime. The cool damp air and the light of the moon, coming back across the field through the orchard. The rich smell of windfall, the beautiful flavour of an apple- and the next day will be still, warm, the next moonlit night will seem like fall; this variety continues a stimulating play on your senses and your memory. _

_Looking back, Hondo couldn't believe his tragedy had started with a simple question a child had asked his father: _

-

A fat little boy of about 5 or 6 curiously peeked around the corner of the armoury vault. He was dark skinned, with dark green eyes and dark brown hair. He was in search of his father, the Captain of the Pharaoh's imperial guards. Somehow he just knew the elder man would be here.

In the west most corner he could see a simple torch, illuminating the small corner and enveloping the rest of the room in eerie shadows. Smoke rose from the torch, expanded, and then disintegrated into darkness.

The child spied his father. The tall muscular man who possessed rather similar looks to him despite the fact he had a beard stood crouched over a shield and sword, examining the large objects and testing them out.

The little boy could only stare at his father, hoping to himself that one day he could be just as grand as he was.

The power of his gaze drew the man's eyes and he glanced down at his little son.

"Why are you here?"

"Father-." The child began but paused, he wondered how he could ask, a word he had learned from his educators about old meanings had been bothering him for the past few moons. How do you ask?

"Father, why did you give me such a name?" he asked innocently enough.

The man stared curiously down at his son. "What do you mean, Hondo my boy?"

"War, that's what my name means. Why is it that you chose to give me such a name?"

"Why, it was your grandfather's name, you know that. He was a great general, the captain of the guard before me." The man's voice overflowed with pride and reverence for his esteemed father.

"Yes, I know that Honourable Father, but why 'war'? You gave me such a name as if its meaning was something good. But warring is cruel, it kills so many people…" as the brown-haired child said these words, his father looked extremely shocked and irritated. He crouched before his son, took his shoulders into his big hands and locked their green eyes.

"What are you saying Hondo? Are you saying your name doesn't please you?" The man looked awfully angry with the child, and the expression on the child's face became the one of fright. "You're my heir, Hondo, you're the eldest son! Your job is to become the next captain of the guard after me! Or are you saying you're deserting all the traditions our family has had for years?"

"N-no, Honourable Father, of course not!" the child managed to stutter. "I was just curious about the…honour of receiving a name like this."

The man's expression calmed as he let go of his son's shoulders and stood back up. From the corner of his eye, he glanced at the boy one last time "Good."

Right after his father was gone, Hondo quickly ran outside.

-

_Mankind puts the strong, the athletic, the beautiful, and the genius, on a pedestal. If the less fortunate among us were treated as equals we would see that they can also become heroes._

_If there was one person Hondo had ever believed he could trust, and trust with his life and whole heart- it was Osaze. He remembered his beloved companion and smiled at the memory. _

_Osaze was nothing like Hondo. Hondo was short, fat, and good at almost nothing. He remembered when other children his age would climb ropes and he'd hang miserably at the bottom as they laughed. He couldn't swim, he panicked even in shallow water. He couldn't raise a blade without injuring himself or someone else. That child was supposed to live up to the family name and become the Captain of the Royal Guard. This meant Hondo had to work ten times harder than the rest, push himself to the point of breaking. Not for himself but for what everyone wanted him to be._

_Osaze was completely different. In his time of innocence, Osaze had long blue-black hair tied back by leather bands that were wrapped around his forehead and was tied off at his ear. His hair was always pulled back into a high ponytail. As a boy, he was wonderfully slender, bronze skinned and pleasant to behold. As a man, he was still incredibly handsome, tall and strong with the same bronzed skin and still so magnificent. He did what he wanted and never let anyone decide his life for him;_ _he had a will of iron. To bend but not to break, to yield but never surrender, to have pride but also humility._

_As children, Osaze had always been the one to help Hondo when he was struggling. In rope climbing he would also pretend he couldn't climb the length of the rope. In swimming he would secretly allow Hondo to hang on him so he wouldn't drown. He would purposely loose false melee sword fights against Hondo. _

_Why Osaze had done that was completely beyond Hondo, maybe it was for the sake of his friend? Or was it something much deeper than friendship? _

-

Irritated and angry, Hondo kicked the rocks on the ground in the palace gardens. He and his family lived here due his father's job, with the royal family and the servants and salves.

'He makes me so mad!' the boy thought, kicking the rock once more. 'He expects completely different things from me than I want to be! Why can't I just be me?!'

"Hondo." The five-year-old suddenly heard a voice. He glanced around himself, but saw nothing but a tree not very far away.

"Up here." There was a sound of rustling, and a boy Hondo's age showed himself hanging upside-down from the tree. This boy had raven black hair pulled on a high ponytail as usual, and cat-like bright green eyes.

"Shouldn't you be training?" Hondo asked from the boy, narrowing his eyes in annoyance while crossing his arms.

"Well, I should…" the boy hanging on the tree said, smirking lightly. "But it doesn't mean I will." Then, slowly yet gracefully, he went back up to the tree and in seconds hopped back on the ground and rushed to the other boy.

"Why are you here?" the blue-black haired child asked.

"I just felt like being alone." Hondo sighed honestly, kicking a pebble down the dusty yellow path that lead to the zoo beside the palace gardens.

"Does being alone mean without me?" The child asked softly, innocently.

"No- I meant not with the others." he muttered as his eyes scanned the pale yellow coloured road and with sharp, angry movements dug his heel into the sand, kicking away from him.

"What's wrong? You're mad like a cat that was fed bad fish."

"…I'm angry with Father."

"Ooh, I see." The other boy said, pulling an arm around the brunette's shoulders, smirking. "What did your Daddy Dearest do this time?"

"I just asked him about my name, and he got all mad and started accusing me for not wanting to continue the family job…"

The other boy backed off a little, looking somewhat scared. "He doesn't know, does he?"

"No, I managed to cover it up. But it just annoys me so much that he expects something totally different than what Iwant to do."

"Hey," The other boy smiled gently, pulling the smaller boy closer to his chest. "Don't mind him. He can't boss us around. Once we're adults we can do whatever we want. Then I'll take care of you once I become a soldier. That's the plan, right? So don't worry, Hon."

"I know, Osaze…but he just makes me so mad."

"Don't let him. And if you get angry with him, come around and tell me about it. Don't worry. As long as no one knows of the plan, we'll be fine."

"I guess…but if you really want that plan to work out, you should go and train."

"Oh, fine." The black-haired boy called Osaze said, pulling away from Hondo. Making his leave, he said: "Don't blow your cover. Be careful!"

"You too."

Hondo watched there as the taller boy hurried off to fighting class.

-

_It had been a couple of years since then. Hondo was no longer the fat, clumsy good for nothing, awkward child he was when he was six. Now he was toned as much as a 16 year old could be. At the peak of his endurance, flexibility and strength. He didn't need Osaze or anyone else's help. _

_Hondo had started his own fighting classes at the age of six with the other children his age. Among these children was the Prince of Egypt, Atemu. Not knowing he was royalty, Hondo had befriended the younger boy, and they had become good friends before Hondo even found out who Atemu truly was. And even after he did, Atemu had told him it didn't matter. Hondo had then introduced his cousin Teana to Atemu and Atemu introduced them both his friend Mana. Together, they formed an intimate group of four friends._

_Still, Osaze was Hondo's best and oldest friend. They met in the gardens every evening, talked about their days and how the Plan was going. Everything was fine, until that day…_

-

Osaze was hurrying to meet his friend just like any other evening before. But once he reached their spot, the tree where they always met, Hondo was already there with his back to him.

"…Hondo?" Osaze asked cautiously. Was Hondo sad about something? Had someone hurt him? If had, that someone would pay…

"…I want to break the deal."

"W-what?"

"My father is dead. I need to follow in his footsteps. It's the least I can do to respect his memory. I have no brothers, so I'm the only one who can do it. I'm sorry, Osaze."

The brunette ran off, Osaze's echoing screams falling to the deaf ears.

-

_From that day and on, things were very different between Hondo and Osaze. Not outwardly in the least. Hondo had everything he could ever want. He had high class steel swords, shields, bows and arrows, a horse drawn chariot, and wonderful golden Egyptian armour the Imperial Guards owned. But none of all that really meant anything to him. _

-

Hondo walked in the palace corridor, coming back from the training. His upper right arm ached like there was no tomorrow. During the swords practising, one of his fellow trainers had stabbed him there with his sword and cut it pretty deep and it would probably leave a scar. The wound had been bandaged, but it still hurt like hell and it took all of Hondo's willpower not to cover the spot with his hand. That would be a cowardly thing for the future captain of the guards to do.

Hondo studied the white marble of the palace courtyard with a practised eye. White slabs of glistening marble stretched quite a distance away rimmed with tall white pillars that cast shadows on the reflective surface. A young servant boy, not older than himself was wiping the ground. The whole area nearby him was shining in the sun, so Hondo easily figured the guy had wiped it all by himself not very long ago. He had to be amazed for his work and effort.

The boy wasn't that old, big or muscular. In fact, he was thin and looked rather weak. But it wasn't only these facts that caught Hondo's attention in the boy. He was also paler than most of the Egyptians. His skin wasn't really white like some of the foreign slaves' he'd seen, but still paler than most of the skins he'd seen. The other thing was that the boy's hair was fair, the same colour as Atemu's bangs, or the colour of sand or the sun. That was certainly something you didn't see every day.

Being so far from him, the fair-haired boy didn't notice how Hondo was staring at him and just kept washing the ground by hand with a worn rag. Even from further away, Hondo could see the boy's fingers were red and swollen from all the hard work. And that wasn't the only thing. The boy was also bruised from many places, both his face and his body. Some of the bruises seemed older, as they were already starting to fade, but there were also many that looked pretty fresh. Who had done this to him?

"Look, it's the Freak." Hondo suddenly heard a voice, and saw some of his fighting classmates approach the boy with hair like the sand in the palace yard. The boy looked slightly up from his work, but said nothing to the insult. Hondo could see he had eyes like honey crumbs he so loved eating.

"What's wrong, Freak? Cat got your tongue?" one of the boys said, and shocked Hondo by kicking the young servant boy in the stomach. The hit made the boy fall on his side on the ground.

"Just look at his hair and skin! He's different from us! I doubt even the gods themselves know why the Pharaoh allows him to work here." Another boy said, starting to kick the sand-haired youth all over with his foot. The boy continued not to say or do anything but endure their rough and humiliating taunting.

"Hey, stop that!" the boys turned to face Hondo, who had rushed over after seeing what was happening. He went between the boys and the sandy-haired boy. "Do you think you have the right to kick someone like that just because their hair or skin colour is different?! Look at this ground; he has cleaned it all by himself! That alone proves he works much more than any of you!"

"It's the sword master's favourite. Let's get out of here." The biggest of the boys said, whose name Hondo knew to be Abasi. They shared a couple of fighting classes.

After the boys were gone, Hondo offered his hand to the sand-haired boy to help him up, but he just slapped it away, and looked fiercely into his eyes. Hondo could see they were burning with anger. "Why did you help me?!"

"Well sorry!" Hondo yelled, getting pretty angry himself. He had only wanted to help, what was this guy's problem?! "You sure seemed to be handling it _oh so _well yourself!"

"I don't want your pity nor do I need it!" The fair-haired one yelled back at him, even though Hondo could hear his voice was really hoarse. The heat and exhaustion must be damaging his throat. "I can take care of myself! I've survived everything else!" The sun-haired boy tried standing up, but his legs were apparently too weak. He could only get on his knees, but no higher than that.

"I was only trying to help you! What is your problem, anyway?!"

"What is _my_ problem?! Can't you mind your own business?!" as the fair-haired youth yelled these words, their eyes locked for a moment. The paler boy was staring into his eyes strangely as if he was searching for something in them, and was surprised when he didn't find it. Then the boy's eyes wandered elsewhere, namely to that wounded arm of his that Hondo had almost forgotten by now. "You've been hurt."

"Obviously." Hondo sneered sarcastically.

"Who did this to you?"

"Who's not minding his own business now?" Hondo asked, slowly starting to calm down as the conversation didn't include yelling anymore. "I got injured during sword practise. I'm a soldier in training, you see."

The other boy said nothing to that, just stared at the wound for a moment. Then he did something that surprised Hondo. He put his left hand on it gently. "This is a thanks for saving me. Speak of it to no one."

His eyes started looking at the wound intensely. Hondo could hear him mutter under his breath something like: "Workworkworkwork…" over and over again. He was confused at where this whole ordeal was supposed to lead. Finally, after a while, he felt something warm in the wound. Not a burning warm, but a really nice warm. Comforting warm, gentle warm, soothing warm. He looked at the boy's open hand and saw the warmth was coming from a minuscule glow the boy conjured. His eyes widened, he had seen some of his friends work magic like this, and he didn't think there was anyone outside the palace who could do it as well.

After a few seconds, the glow faded away and the boy took his hand away. The pain in the arm was gone.

In awe, Hondo slowly removed his bandage. The wound was gone and not even a scar was left.

"Y-you…"

"Don't you dare tell anyone about this." The fair-haired one whispered, his voice stern and finally standing up and going back to the wooden bucket he had for cleaning.

Hondo could do nothing but stare.

"What are you still doing here? Leave!" The other boy yelled again at him.

There was a moment's silence during which Hondo tried to make up something to say. "Why don't you want me to tell about this?" he finally asked. "You're young for a worker, so you obviously need money. If you told someone, you could earn a lot more…"

"Shut up!" the other boy yelled, looking at his eyes with anger once more. "I already told you that I don't need your help or pity! No one must know about this! I'm already a Freak to everyone who knows me, and I don't need more reasons to be called as such!"

"You're not a freak!" Hondo yelled back at him, even if he wasn't sure what made him say that. "Just because you're different, it doesn't make you any less human! Besides, those powers aren't a reason to be called a Freak! I've got two friends with similar powers, and they are really respected! If you told someone about them you could be respected as well!"

"Their situation is different! Due my looks, everyone has always hated me! Because of them I have no future! You aren't the one looked upon with disgust every time someone sees you just because your mother happened to come from North! What would you know? You already live a protected life and have your future set ahead of you!"

After hearing those words, Hondo couldn't help himself. He slapped the smaller boy violently across the cheek, making him fall on the ground once more. "It's not like I wanted it to be like this! I hate my life! I never wanted to become one of those warlike soldier boys, vengeful and murderous! I only have to do it because it runs in the family! Don't act like you know me!"

Then there was silence, during which Hondo tried to stop angry tears from falling and the two boys stared at each other. Finally, Hondo offered his hand to the fair-haired youth. "Come. I know someone who can show you the future where you can help many with those powers of yours." This time the other boy didn't resist, but took the hand and allowed Hondo to pull him up. "What is your name, by the way?"

"It's Jono. Yours?"

"Hondo. Come on now, follow me."

Jono allowed Hondo lead him to the gardens to a group of kids their age. There were one boy and two girls. Hondo opened his mouth and said: "Everyone, this is Jono. I think you'll all find him very interesting. Especially you, Atemu."

-

_Jono…with his enticing flaxen hair and deep brown eyes, he drew in the attention of the High Priest Seth. They had hated each other, but that hate grew to respect, then friendship, and then ultimately to love. Jono loved Seth so deeply and so truly that nothing but death could separate them. And death did. _

_Hondo learned life was short, and how shortly it could end. It was the sad memento mori he and all of his closest friends were forced to face. _

_The sad deaths of Jono, Atemu and Teana…_

-

Quietly, Hondo sat by the pool, running his hand in the water. He felt so lonely. Teana's body had been taken to be buried not too many days ago. Half of his friends were dead, and Mana and Heba were too busy grieving and studying magic to see him very much. The latter, as sad as it was to admit, hadn't really been that close to Hondo anyway. They'd only hung out together because of their common friends, and personally Hondo knew nothing about the Prince. It was always Jono who had known him the most besides Atemu.

Jono…his best friend the healer was dead. It angered him that Seth; who had seen the man die, wouldn't even tell how he'd died. But Hondo wouldn't pry, because Seth had looked so sad when he had asked about it for the first and the last time.

Seth was the Pharaoh now, trying his best to rebuild the destroyed country. After Teana's passing he had asked Mana to marry him so that he could produce an heir. Mana had agreed and the ceremony was due in a few days. That was another fact that irritated him. That man was going to marry someone else! It had not even been a moon since Jono's passing. He knew it was for the country's future and that Mana needed to be comforted, but still…

His own marriage was coming rather soon. Mesi had finally said yes to his proposal. He knew he should've been happier than this, after all he'd been chasing after the girl for years, but he just couldn't bring himself to be.

"Hondo?" he heard a voice from behind him. The voice was unfamiliar to him, but when he turned around to face its owner, he recognised him immediately. Even though the voice's carrier was much taller and older than the last time he'd seen him, the old features were still there. Long blue-black hair and bright green eyes…

"Osaze?" He asked, not sure what to believe. But the older man nodded. "You…survived?"

"Yes, for the moment." The black-haired man answered to that, sitting himself down next to him. "Hondo, I'm really sorry about what has happened. I gather you and the healer were pretty close."

"Yeah, we were close. But if you came here to pity me, you may as well just leave. I don't need it." Hondo said, and was for a moment reminded of the day he'd first met Jono by his own words.

"I didn't come here to pity you. I just wanted to see you and…check if you were alright." Osaze paused. "I heard you're getting married."

"Yeah, I am."

"You shouldn't."

"Excuse me?!" Hondo said, now facing the other completely and standing up. He saw he reached Osaze's nose in height.

"Come on now Hondo, I know that Mesi girl! She's always flirting with the other guards in my block, she doesn't love you! She's just using you!"

"This isn't about love, Osaze, it doesn't have to be!" Hondo yelled back.

"Hondo, you're throwing your life away! Ever since your father passed away, you've been like a totally different person! Whatever happened to the old Hondo I used to know?! The one who didn't care what other people thought and always followed his heart!"

"People change Osaze, deal with it!" Hondo yelled angrily, before casting his eyes towards the ground. "Besides, it's not like I have a choice. The only women I know are Mesi, Teana and Mana. Teana is dead and Mana will be the Queen of Egypt in no time at all. Mesi is my only hope for a wife. It doesn't matter that she doesn't love me. I always knew that anyway…she was always looking at other men even though I was there claiming my love right next to her."

"Whoever said you had to marry a woman anyway? Your father? Hondo, you're an adult. You can decide what you want to do yourself. You don't have to marry her."

"Then who should I marry? _You_?!"

"Yes!" well, _now_ Hondo was taken aback. He had not expected that!

"Wasn't that our plan? That we would get married, you wouldn't become a soldier, but I would? That I would take care of you and we'd be happy!" Osaze then grabbed Hondo's shoulders and forced him to look directly into his eyes. "My feelings for you haven't changed, Hon! If anything, they've only increased! Can you honestly say that everything you felt for me all those years ago no longer exists?!"

"We were children, Osaze! Children not older than six! What did we know about love back then?!"

"More at least than you do now! Back then you would've never married someone you truly didn't love! A child's thoughts are pure and untainted by their world. You were happier back then, we both were!"

By these words, Hondo pushed Osaze away, making him fall on the ground. "Don't speak to me anymore. Do what you will. Just so you go away, the farther the better, and never let me lay eyes on you again. I have never known you." He said as he ran off. He stopped not very far, but far enough for Osaze not to see he was crying.

-

Not long after, Hondo and Mesi were married. But on their wedding night, when they first made love, Hondo had to give everything not to picture someone entirely different under him.

'It's just because of what he said.' Hondo thought as he sat awake by his newly wed, sleeping wife. 'That's all. It'll pass.'

_This is supposed to be the happiest day of my life and I couldn't feel sadder…to think…those emotions are a lot closer together than most people think. _Hondo closed his eyes and tilted his head back to rest against the wall and tried to find escape and temporary peace, in sleep, a short, deep sleep. Pretending he didn't care about the beautiful emerald jewel-like eyes and the soft bell-like voice that haunted him even now.

Hondo shifted into a comfortable position on the bed. He began to wonder:

_What happens when morning comes? When pretending ends…and reality begins?_

-

_They say fortune favours the brave and those who can make up for their mistakes, Hondo supposed he was never brave or he was too proud to admit he was wrong. _

_Fortune was not on familiar terms with Hondo. Fortune had tried many times to lead him to a dark and dangerous place long ago. It demanded risks, not only of him, but of Osaze as well. _

_He knew he would never want to tread the uncharted darkness of his life ever again. _

-

"The enemy is moving to the North, so we'll go there before and take them by surprise! We leave early tomorrow morning, so everyone sleep well!" Hondo announced. When he turned 22, Pharaoh Seth had finally named him the captain of the guards. Now he was 30 and leading his men into his first war. Waiting for him at home were his wife and three children.

After all of his men had gone to their tents for the night, he himself went to his that was many times larger than the other's. The magnificent General's tent.

With a sigh he swooped the cloth covered door aside and found himself staring into the emerald eyes of Osaze.

"What do you want?" Hondo's voice was harsh and demanding an answer of the trespasser, he crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes.

"Calm down, I just want to talk with you." Osaze answered, holding his hands before him as in 'I surrender' gesture. "I never thought you'd someday make it here. A Captain, leading his men to war…"

"What, you're saying I wouldn't be able to?"

"Very much so. You hated war when I knew you."

"If this is all you have to say then vanish!" Hondo hissed angrily. He didn't need more dreams of green eyes than he already had.

Osaze merely smiled gently. This kind, adoring action disarmed Hondo more completely than soothing words. "It's not all I wanted to say." Osaze was calm, extraordinarily calm, he lowered his voice and spoke slowly, something about the way he did this put Hondo at ease, "I just wanted to see you and ask how you really felt about all this?"

Within Hondo, two feelings were at war, he was unable to silence either one. He wanted so desperately to flee Osaze, or to banish him away forever but at the same time all he wanted to do was be in his presence. Hold him in his arms and never let go.

"Actually…I'm really scared. I'm not sure what will happen and that frightens me. And I still hate the idea of war…it seems so pointless to me. So much like something we don't really need…"

"Oh, Hon…" Osaze muttered, standing up and stroking the brunette's cheek with his hand.

Hondo jerked away from him, "S-stop that. You're not supposed to feel that way about me anymore."

Osaze just smiled sadly. "You think I can help it? If I could, I would've got rid of these feelings a long time ago. I really think I will love you until my dying day. I loved you when we were kids, and it never changed since then. I always hoped you'd someday return to me, but you never did. In one point I thought you had fallen in love with that healer by the rumours I heard…"

"At one point, I did." Hondo admitted and Osaze blinked. "When I first met Jono, I really, really liked him. He was so different from everyone else. Under that whole tough-guy act he was so sweet and gentle. He needed me like no one else ever had and I wanted to protect him. But those feelings faded as I saw how much he loved Seth. We were just friends after that. He was like a brother to me. My closest friend…"

There was a moment's silence.

"You know, since that day years ago, I never felt like I deserved this name." Osaze smiled, he decided to change the subject, maybe to lighten the mood or remember the days when they could talk about the most insignificant things.

"'Loved by God', you mean?" Hondo allowed himself a rest from the hard day, he stretched out on the fairly comfortable cot and leaned back on his elbows to survey his friend. "Did you ever ask you parents why they gave you that name?"

"Yes, once. Father told me he had hoped Gods would bless me in wars if he gave me this name."

"I see…"

Suddenly, Osaze laughed. "Isn't this peculiar? The two of us, talking like nothing has changed? This is the way we used to be, Hondo, the way I remember it. We could talk about anything and anywhere. We used to be so close…"

How Osaze got so close without him noticing Hondo would never know. Osaze tilted Hondo's face upward and leaned in close enough to gently touch his forehead to Hondo's. "How did I ever let you slip away? There's something I should have told you long ago, and I will say it now, and I will say it so you have no doubts: I have always loved you."

Hondo didn't consider himself the self-pitying sort, but he couldn't fool himself into believing Osaze spoke the truth. It seemed like a dream amidst a dreadful nightmare, perhaps it was the sad dreariness of war or some change in his humour that spiked his denial. He was used to the trouble, he was immune to the gloom of scorned love, he was hard through and through.

So with a heavy sigh he pulled himself away from Osaze and turned his face away from his childhood friend.

"I am sure, Osaze, you have been in love with another; that there is, at this moment, an affair of the heart going on."

"I have been in love with no one else, and never shall," he whispered, "unless it should be with you."

How beautiful he looked in the moonlight!

Shy and strange was the look with which he quickly reached for Hondo's hands and held them against his heart. With turbulent sighs, that seemed almost to sob he pressed Hondo's hand to his cheek and held it there, loving the feel of his callused hands on his soft cheek.

His cheek was glowing against the moonlight. "Darling," he murmured, "I live for you; you have all of me and I love you so."

Hondo could only stare captivated silence at his best friend's beauty. Drinking in his perfect features and simply allowing himself to feel the heat of his love burning like a flame.

Osaze was gazing on Hondo with eyes from which all the fire, and all meaning of true passion blazing in his emerald depths. This was what it was like to stare into the eyes of your soul mate. To see the fire in their eyes directed only at you. To see the want and the admiration, all for you and no one else, to see just how perfect you really are reflected in their adoring eyes.

"You're beautiful." Hondo's hushed whisper sounded in the silence of the night. He gently caressed Osaze's cheek with his thumb "You're perfect. I knew you would be."

"So are you." Osaze replied, sliding his hands up Hondo's arms and gently drew Hondo to him and captured his lips in a warm kiss.

'This is a cruel – strange love, which will inevitably take my life. Love will have its sacrifices I suppose.' Hondo thought.

As Osaze leaned in to the contact, it was a total and utter bliss for them. Never before had either one of them experienced something so real, so…passionate. With a spine-chilling moan Osaze deepened the already passionate kiss. To kiss the one you truly love has its own rewards. There are no fireworks of any kind, just the feeling of coming home from a long absence. Or finally filling a gap in your life you never knew you had until the person you really love fills that void with their undying love.

After a while, they parted and looked deeply into each other's eyes. "We can't do this you know. I'm married." Hondo said, though he wasn't complaining. Today he had, for the first time, admitted to himself his growing feelings for Osaze, something that he had been feeling for some time but which he had been too stubborn to face. "I know it's wrong but…I just can't deny them anymore, my feelings. I love you…so very much. I always did."

"I know." Osaze murmured, kissing the other's forehead softly. "I just had to make you realise it as well."

Then they attacked each other's lips once again with electrifying kisses and strong urges to let the soul and body take control and it was all so overwhelming. It was like fire, fire that could breathe.

-

Later, they lay together, naked. Hondo rested his head on Osaze's toned chest, listening to the quiet heartbeat of his lover. 'How did I end up here? What will become of me now?'

Osaze placed his slender arms about Hondo, drawing him closer, and laying his cheek to his, murmur softly in his ear, "Dearest, if your heart is hurt, my heart bleeds with yours. I can't help it; I feel your torment. Please, remember that I love you. So, for a while, seek to know more of me, and trust me with all your heart."

He could trust him; Hondo knew he could trust Osaze now and always.

"Osaze?" Hondo whispered.

"Yes?" Osaze whispered back.

"If I died tomorrow would you go on living?" Hondo felt Osaze pull himself closer to Hondo, his grip tightened but he said nothing.

"Answer!"

Hondo's voice sounded almost harsh, and Osaze wondered what was wrong. Hondo kissed his shoulder apologetically and repeated gently, "Please…answer me."

"I couldn't live without you." Osaze admitted softly.

Hondo nodded but his movements were unsure. He was troubled, what if Osaze meant it?

-

"Poor boss."

"He's so young too. Does he have a family waiting?"

"Wife and three kids, from what I gathered."

"They need to be sent a word."

"I'll do that."

"You sure Osaze? You're one of the best soldiers here, you have a good chance to become the new captain now…"

"I want to. I knew him, so it's only right."

"Alright then."

-

Three days later, Osaze reached the capital. He asked the young prince Heba to show him the way to Mesi, and by Heba's orders, some servants did.

"How can I help you, Sir General?" Mesi asked as they met.

"I am sorry to inform you that your husband has been killed in the line of fire. I'm from the same block; I came to deliver the message. I truly am sorry."

Mesi cried, and he let her. The woman fell asleep in his arms, and he placed her on the bed. Then he went to the gardens, to their spot, and took out his sword.

'_Soon I'll be there, my love. And then we'll always be together.' _

Osaze clutched the gold dagger's hilt in his hand. Time seemed…non-existent to him. Hope no longer burned in his heart. He raised the gold dagger and plunged it deep into his stomach; somehow, he never felt the cool, sharp sting that came with the sharp ends cutting into his skin. He felt nothing; he simply allowed the crimson life to drain into the shifting sand around him, near the old tree where he and Hondo had made their promise.

-

As Osaze then stepped from the gate and was greeted by another boy, he smiled serenely.

"You're such a fool." Hondo grinned.

"But I'm your fool."

Hondo reached for Osaze's hand and held it with a fond pressure, blushing softly, gazing at him with languid and burning eyes, "You are mine…you shall be mine and you always will be. I won't let anything separate the two of us anymore."

Hondo drew Osaze to him; gently kissing his shoulders and neck.

"What about Mesi? She will come here eventually, you know." Osaze whispered, desperately trying not to ruin the mood. But he had to know.

"She will understand. We both used each other. She was sad and in a need of comfort back then. That's why she chose to marry me. I used her to become what I thought my father wanted me to become. But now I know it wasn't right. I need to be real…I need to be myself. That's all that matters."

"Good. You know it now." Osaze smiled.

-

_**Our destiny is controlled by the choices we make. Those choices can turn an ordinary man into a king, or reduce him to little more than a pawn. If you had to choose, to be with the one you love or your obligation to the world, which would you choose?**_

THE END

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